Memorial PlanningGriefsong.com - Paul Alexander Music for the Bereaved was created to enhance memorials and assist the bereaved and those who serve them. Here are some useful suggestions to create a meaningful memorial service including rituals of remembrance. If you have creative ideas to share with others including songs, readings or sample formats please email Paul at griefsong@aol.com Memorial Planning
It is suggested to have a host of the service who oversees and supports the beauty and flow of the ceremony. This is best someone who knows the deceased yet is able to maintain a comfortable presence in speaking and maintaining the structure and flow of the memorial. Create a Place and Time of Gathering: A Ritual of Remembrance and Memorial Service brings us out of our ordinary routine to create a holding space and place to honor our loved one. It affirms our connection the the deceased and acknowledges the life was real and also that the loss is real. Take time to decorate the space where the gathering is held. Using flowers, candles, photos, significant items of memory create a space of honor , warmth and comfort and safety. Unless a memorial is held on the year anniversary date it is good to hold a memorial within a suitable time frame following the death. Creating a service brings energy to our expression of grief and also brings together supports at a necessary time. Honoring a miscarriage, or the long life of a senior are both significant losses. The ritual and the expression of the connection is what makes each memorial service personal and gives voice to one's griefsong. Poems, Readings, Eulogies and Life Review Reflections are ways to express our thoughts and feelings within a context of meaning. Whether the reading be from scripture or inspirational books or literature it requires reflection in terms of what had meaning to the deceased as well as our own belief systems. Readings can help us reflect on the meaning of life and death as well as offer comfort and support in coping with the reality of the death. Eulogies, and life reflections by loved ones, family and friends review the relationship and the meaning it had in their lives. Sharing stories, anecdotes, memories of one's personal involvement, provide a reflective place for those gathered to participate and express their love and loss and to reflect on the gifts shared through the life of the deceased . Readings can include personal writings of the deceased and their favorite readings. Offer an opportunity for those not on the program to speak or share brief reflections. Often being at a ceremony and listening to others will stimulate one’s memory. Sing and Listen to The Music of Life: Music has a natural way of bypassing the barriers we build against feeling various emotions. It reaches deep to the unconcsious and provides a rich opportunity for healing and accessing unspoken words, thoughts and feelings. Music within a memorial service can serve several purposes. As a gathering and closing it sets the time and structure for the ceremony. Using a song that is easily taught to encourage group participation is suggested for the opening and closing of a memorial. Within the service, songs can be used that were the deceased favorites or that spoke of qualities of the deceased or a faith they held. Using a story to introduce “why” a song is chosen can also serve as a portrait of the deceased and what was meaningful to them. It may be a wedding song, a child’s lullaby or a song that inspired and upheld them or made them laugh. Teenagers and children have songs that speak to them and this is a wonderful time to include them in a way that encourages their participation in choosing a song. A Symbolic Action or Activity:
At some point in the ceremony, perhaps after the life reflections or a music selection, invite those gathered to sit in silence and meditation. The silence serves as a time to listen to the voice within and to the voices of those who have passed on. It is a silence of reverence, of honor and of gathering as one community. It may also serve as a period prior to an expression of thanks for the life you have gathered to celebrate. It also serves as an example that expression of grief will come in many shapes and forms. In the days of mourning , silence can provide a healing balm and sanctuary for deep inner work. Display photos which reflect the fullness of the life honored. Provide a journal ,notecards or postboard where people can write reflections , memories, words of comfort for the families and significant others to have as a keepsake and heart token of this gathering. Encourage those present to share these memories or thoughts so they may be carried and reviewed in the days and months ahead. The activities and mourning rituals of a bereaved individual will continue into the months and years following this memorial service. It will be healing and help in the grief work if an individual can read these notes and memories and know they are held in a safe place. It is also a way for the bereaved to maintain a relationship of meaning in hearing how their loved one touched others lives.
Music for Memorials, Rituals of Remembrance and Funerals: Most selections from the Paul Alexander and Griefsong.com Resources offer appropriate music for rituals and memorial or funeral services. Click on the links below to listen or visit the online store. Light A Candle and Songs of Remembrance
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A memorial service is an opportunity to honor our loved one as well as a structured time and setting to bring ceremony and ritual to the expression of individual and communal grief. It is an occasion to give voice to the significance and meaning a person has had in our life. It is a time of acknowledgement of the loss and a holding place for the emotions and memories. Rituals of Remembrance and Memorial Services will serve the following needs: 
Rituals of Remembrance involve a symbolic act or action. Lighting a Candle, planting a tree, releasing balloons or butterflies enriches the service through the power of the action. In the “doing” of the ritual we further involve all our senses and also bypass the critical mind to help us express our grief. The doing of a ritual also is carried with us when we leave the event. It helps facilitate and honor our grief in a very specific action. It brings order and structure within the service and is non threathening. People who are not able to speak publicly or sing can also have an active involvement in the rememembering ritual. In addition to the ritual being performed at the gathering, people may also be given candles, or seeds , or tree sapplings to take home and plant in memory. Whatever the ritual performed it is done within the context of a brief ceremony explaining the meaning of the activity and how it honors the life and the grief. “ Today I light a candle for you. The life and meaning you have brought to our lives will never be extinguished. It is forever ours to guide our steps.” P.O. Box 858 :: Amagansett, NY 11930 :: 1-800-538-4158